But people hurt. The details always matter to me because I think it’s the little things that reveal the most about someone. It’s easy to do the big things; it’s the in-between things that are so grinding. Words they say, facial expressions they make, insensitive actions they take…any SMALL thing that happens in the FLEETING moment of an incredibly CASUAL situation could leave this huge impression in my mind for WEEKS, probably more. And I will brood and I will rage and I will churn that moment over and over in my mind until it SPOILS and it grows heavier and heavier until it drops from my head into my chest, my gut, my feet and then every single footstep I take will send that depraved thought screeching through my soul. One thought could prevent all this; literally just one thought. Is that too much to ask? One thought. Of me. From someone who is not me. Can I not expect that from someone I thought a friend? I don’t normally consider myself a sensitive person. In fact, I’m so laid-back that it’s a problem (probably; most likely). But this is a HORRIBLE feeling. This self-shattering realization that I’m not worth even a single thought; that my impact on a life I care about has been so minuscule; that I could be set aside so easily. Maybe I’m giving too little. Not enough reassuring words? Kind actions? Appropriate reactions? Or maybe I’m giving too much. Maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe I shouldn’t trust others so freely with my friendship. Maybe I should keep people distant because every single human being is BOUND to be selfish at some point in time.
Ha! I’ll get over it. But I probably won’t forget it.